Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Time to start jacking off!

I have noticed a few lorries on the motorway over the past 2 weeks with letters rubbed into the dirt on the back. You get accustomed to seeing messages written in the dirt by workmates such as "Also available in white" and "I wish my wife was as dirty as this truck". You also see a group of capital letters in the style of "STFC" meaning Some Town Football Club. Recently I have seen the capital letters reading "SCOF".

My mind was puzzled, what does SCOF mean? A quick look on the Urban Dictionary reveals the answer. An acronym for Surpise Cum On Face. Did you scof her last night? Yea, got her right in the eye.

And today in the newspaper is a recommendation, Masturbation can be good for the over-50s . Removal of toxins built up over a lifetime reduces the risk of prostate cancer. Masturbation may be good for you – or bad, depending on your age. By the time men reach their fifties, it may protect against the disease because it helps remove toxins that have built up over a lifetime. In their 50s men who were most sexually active (more than 10 times a month for sexual intercourse and masturbation combined) enjoyed a small protective effect. The effect was greater when masturbation was assessed on its own. As men age and accumulate toxins from the diet or through their lungs , sexual activity may help release them. Studies have found toxins in the semen and the fluid produced in the prostate. As you age it is more important to flush them out. A possible explanation for the protective effect that men in their fifties appear to receive from overall sexual activity, and particularly masturbation, is that the release of accumulated toxins during sexual activity reduces the risk of developing cancer in the prostate area.

Today I took my car to Bathwick Tyres for an Oil and Filter change costing £29.90 - I do not need to visit a Citroen dealer for a service as I can do the inspection myself and any fast-fit garage can do an Oil and Filter change for you. Why pay loads of money for a main dealer service and have your car off the road for a whole day, whilst they park it up to make you thing a lot of work is involved?

So, that is the car sorted, was there another little job I should be doing? Ah!! There's the rub!! As I look at the images I can sing along as I play away ...

"She calls out to the man on the street:
Sir, can you help me?
It's cold and I've nowhere to sleep,
Is there somewhere you can tell me?

He walks on, doesn't look back,
He pretends he can't hear her.
Starts to whistle as he crosses the street,
Seems embarrassed to be there.

Oh, think twice,
It's another day for you and me in paradise.
Oh, think twice,
It's just another day for you, you and me in paradise."

..."Houston - we have lift-off! System flushed".
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