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The Bourne Ultimatum .

The Bourne ultimatum: The email that went viral

From: Carolyn Bourne

To: Heidi Withers

Subject: Your lack of manners

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

* When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat, unless you are positively allergic to something

* You do not remark that you do not have enough food

* You do not start before everyone else

* You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host

* When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early; you fall in line with house norms

* You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter

* You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why

* No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity-style behaviour

* I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.) If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

* One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie

...So, this email went viral and caused quite a storm! . Well I agree with Victoria Summerley that in any civilised household, you eat what is put in front of you. You wait until everyone else is served before you pick up your knife and fork. If you don't like the food, you say politely that you've had enough, thank you, or that you're not very hungry. These are not some sort of bonkers, eccentric rules thought up by Mrs Bourne expressly to torture her son's fiancée. They constitute normal, polite behaviour.

I think that Carolyn Bourne was right to send the email and set up some ground rules, so that this new family can get off to a good start rather than store up problems for the future. Heidi Withers needed to be told a thing or two, she is not some fairy tale princess but a girl who has landed on her feet! It is good to read that Carolyn has the maturity and guts to stand up to Heidi. So many young people these days just want, want, want - with no consideration for others or a sense of fair play. Well done Carolyn for putting her foot down and putting this girl in her place.