Saturday, June 23, 2012

Corporate language.

The use of corporate language really annoys me and it is spreading across the UK everywhere. I am used to the droning on by the nationwide company about "customers" rather than what these people actually are: passengers.

Today I have received a letter from E.ON - our energy supplier. The company has a new Chief Executive called Tony Cocker and he has written to all his account holders, who he calls "customers". Tony likes this awful corporate language that annoys me as he writes...

I want to change that, which is why at the beginning of the year I set up a 'Reset' programme that is intended to review all of the activities we perform as a business to ensure that our customers perceive them to be simple, clear and fair. Since then we have consulted extensively with customers from all walks of life, as well as with organisations such as Consumer Focus and Which? We have taken that feedback on board and started to do something about it.

...Help, pass me the sick bag somebody, this is awful corporate language. It is bad enough in my workplace from the nationwide company but to read a letter in my own time in my own home is awful. Come into the real world Tony because your staff and householders are not fooled by this fancy corporate language. You can dress it up all you like but what it comes down to is which company is it cheaper to read your electricity and gas meters. It has always been cheaper over all for me to buy my electricity and gas from E.ON - that is important to me and not this fancy corporate language that simply annoys rather than builds trust or loyalty.
One of the worst is when I heard my line manager say: "A positive customer interface exists between Overground trains and the Central Line".

What he meant to say was "Both trains stop at the same platform".

Like you this makes my blood boil. You need to know some of this to progress to Ops Management level in the transport industry. One of my favourites is "going forward". Stick that in any sentence of intent and you'll tick a load of corporate boxes.

Also "to foster positive relations between blah blah blah..." is another that gets banded about a bit.

And then there's the Private Eye favourite where everything has a solution. From "providing horticultural solutions to the private gardener" (week killer) to Dunn Line's "providing transport solutions" (coach hire), it's all dreadful.

But as corporatism is here to say, I can't see this management bullshit getting any less thick.
*weed killer*
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